There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
