his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You took a bar mat shot.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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