Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
