the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
