i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
