god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
