she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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