Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize