Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize