so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize