my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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