I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
