u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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