I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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