Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
