all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You've changed since you got that strap on
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
