Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
