she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it's like iHOP with fire
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
