All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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