Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
