just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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