im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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