And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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