Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
