this boner is exhausting
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
