I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
