dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
