That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
