This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My balls are so social today.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
