is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You can't just leave with hair like that
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
