is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
