What a fucking waste of an outfit
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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