All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Boobs speak an international language.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize