I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
