WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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