question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My underwear smells like fireworks.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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