I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
