A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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