What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
