I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
