Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
