don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
