so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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