I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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