...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
