The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just invented taco cereal.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
