i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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