thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
