I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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