she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
