You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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