Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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