Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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