I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Randomize
