I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
