You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
