you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
