I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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