so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
