I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
