so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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