My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
