i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
