I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
