I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize