yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
