I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
