Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
