I want to make a zoo with you.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
