also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
