evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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