I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
