Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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