Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
