My balls are so social today.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
