dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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