Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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