I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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