about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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