he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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