Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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